"Mine"

I'm currently backing up my computer because I literally have no space left. And I found a file in "My Old Documents" in a folder labeled Fall 2006.

And I knew what was in the Word file labeled "Mine". I knew what it was. It was the first time you told me you loved me. You couldn't say it out loud, so you had to type it on my computer. But I wanted to look at it, because I had no idea what else it said. Oh December 8, 2006 - you made me a very happy, lucky, loved girl that day.

So here it is, in all its glory:

I’m pretty much in love with you, yeah, I said it, and there is nothing you can do that will make that not happen…so enough with the sad talk. You are amazing and you know it. Stop being so hard on yourself.

I obviously did a lot to make that not happen. And I'm apparently not all that amazing to you anymore.

But its okay. It made me smile when I read it. And it made me miss you - well, you then. I don't miss you now.

I'm sure you've figured out that I've cut off twitter. I just can't see your posts anymore. They make me feel badly. And I already feel bad enough all on my own. I'm tired of hurting. Because I hurt all of the time. Awake, sleeping, busy, bored - my mind never stops thinking about you. You are so salient in everything I do and it is driving me insane. I have to stop. This is never going to happen because you're never going to figure it out. And I need to stop pining over the pain and the loss and all of the love I still hold in my heart for you. I need to move on, and I can't do that when you keep capitalizing on my weakness. You know that I'll keep coming back, and you know that I want to be a good friend to you, and you calling me and sending me messages and commenting on stuff makes me hurt so much. So, I have to be done. I spent 3 years hoping you'd come around and finally want me for good. And I think I'm done hoping. My hope is gone. You've worn me out and used me up. I'm broken, but I'll figure it out.

If you do decide sometime in the near future that you've gotten through all of your personal issues and you're finally ready to do this with me, let me know. But until then, I'm bowing out, I'm tapping out, I'm folding.

You win.